Serpentine

by Snake Suspenderz

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1.
Say Hello To Mr. Snake He come oozin' down a dusky back street Shows his fangs to everybody he meet He got a pocket full of razor make the bad boys shake Say hello to Mr. Snake He does his business by the dark of the moon Hits the dance floor makes the ladies all swoon So if you got a score to settle or a heart to break Say hello to Mr. Snake He got a live-wire body and a tombstone mind He got some habits of the low-down kind He act real friendly if he's so inclined But don't forget, he's wicked defined He likes hangin' where the jazz is red hot Sinks the eight ball for the last dime you got He only likes to play the ponies for the highest stakes Say hello to Mr. Snake (Instrumental break) He got the wildfire temper and the nerve like ice You risk your life each time he rolls the dice If he looks angry, man take my advice Just run at once, don't think twice He steals your woman keep her out until dawn Calls a taxi when the thrill is all gone Now she moans she's had the real thing and you're just a fake Say hello to Mr. Snake
2.
FAIL! 02:38
Fail! George flyin' through the jungle On his vine just swingin' along Grinnin' at the approaching tree FAIL! You're doin' it wrong Phil texts to Sexy Susie Says "cm on out n hr mi nu sng!" Mommy drives him to play the gig FAIL! You're doin' it wrong Guy drops his ID robbin' a bank Cat fishin' in a piranha tank Unsinkable Titanic? IT SANK! Don't be a schnook Don't leap 'til you look Big rig is fourteen feet tall Darn near eighty feet long 12 foot 9 says the clearance sign FAIL! You're doin' it wrong (instrumental break) You lock your car keys inside the trunk Midwestern polka band playing punk The brand new Windows Vista? IT STUNK! Take my advice Cut once measure twice Car sails across the desert Rocket packs burnin' real strong Racin' to biff the ginormous cliff FAIL! You're doin' it wrong FAIL! You're doin' it wrong
3.
Twentieth Century Fads For many years society has offered up to you and me So many things to buy or say or do While stupid is the kindest thing to say for most of them I've often fallen for them, haven't you? spoken: Things like… Ouija boards and go-go boots Smiley faces, Betty Boop Bobby socks and big zoot suits Twentieth Century Fads Superballs and saddle shoes Granny glasses, Rubik's cubes Putt-putt golf and beehive dos Twentieth Century Fads I've grown too fat for my Nehru shirt And platform shoes just cause my calves to hurt Still got my pet rock and an old mood ring I wonder what fads the 21st will bring? Bean bag chairs and fanny packs Flagpole sitting, coonskin caps Hula hoops and hacky sacks Twentieth Century Fads (instrumental break) It's just plain nuts what some people do The silly stuff they want to sell to you But if it's funky, keen or really rad Ain't risky to bet that it'll start a fad Lava lamps and all them Smurfs Phone booth stuffing, poodle skirts Body paint and Astroturf Twentieth Century Fads Some that's foolish and some that hurts Twentieth Century Fads
4.
Even Your Best Friends Are you man enough to wear pink? Are you really as smart as you think? Are you positive you don't stink? Even your best friends won't tell you Does that lipstick really match your wig? Do you jiggle when you do a jig? Does that dress make your booty look big? Even your best friends won't tell you Friends don't presume to impose their own views Friends never seek to offend or accuse There's little to gain From being a pain But ever so much more to lose Is there whispering behind your back? Is your suave facade starting to crack? Are the aliens about to attack? Even your best friends won't tell you Friends never rise to the bait of your fear Friends are not bound to be candid or clear Recall the admonition Of the magician To be nice or just disappear Are you doomed to defeat and decay? Is your life just a meaningless play? Are you really going to die someday? Even your best friends won't tell you
5.
Naughty Monkey If your monkey's acting badly, I'll tell you what I'm thinkin' What your monkey really needs is a damn good spankin' Just pull his little trousers down and toss him cross your knee And spank that monkey's bum most satisfactorily 'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, The most recalcitrant by far And all his mugshots are up in the police stations, From Alberta to the shores of Zanzibar He gives old Uncle Bert a shiner. He starts food fights while in your favorite diner He will steal a plane and fly to Asia Minor 'Cause he's such a naughty monkey If your monkey comes to dinner, he'll break your favorite pie plate Monkey keeps library books, well beyond their due date Each time that monkey goes to town, he's hauled home by the cops When monk makes you a drink you can expect knockout drops 'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, He's such a saucy simian And all his antics are known in the best of circles, From the Zulu to the Argentinians He'll peek down cousin Cora's sweater His bathroom habits aren't getting better If he runs away he won't leave you a letter 'Cause he's such a naughty monkey (instrumental break) (repeat verse 1) 'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, He just keeps getting more risque And all his crimes have been shown on the top ten wanted, from Alhambra to farthest Zimbabwe
6.
Sausage 03:07
Sausage I can't bite into a redhot Out at the park in the shade Ketchup and mustard don't help me I know how sausage is made I back away from salami Fresh from the circular blade No kielbasa or bloodwurst I know how sausage is made I've seen the grinder I've seen the skin I've seen the plunger Stuffing the stuffing on in You can keep your chorizo Your baloney parade I'll stick with my tea and crumpets I know how sausage is made I've seen the chimney I've seen the plume I've seen the butchers Herding the herds to their doom Don't bring a braunschweiger sandwich If you want to get paid Just keep the carrot sticks coming I know how sausage is made
7.
8.
Flower of Shanghai She's my flower of Shanghai I'm an ordinary guy She likes steak and fancy drinks I'm ok with beer and links She looks chic from toes to tress All my wardrobe is a mess She tools 'round in vintage cars I hang 'round in bars She's my flower of Shanghai And no matter how I try Every party we attends I piss off her high-toned friends She buys at the finest shops I work hard avoiding cops She pays girls to do her nails I spend my cash on bail She sits in stately drawing rooms with diplomats and kings Discussing art and poetry and all the finer things I spend my time in smoky dives while shooting pool and dice Consorting with a motley crew all well endowed with vice She's my flower of Shanghai And things always go awry When she takes a bum like me Out with her when she takes tea She glides out to opera shows I hang out with folks who bowls All her books have leather spines The comic books are mine She stands there in an evening gown A vision to the eyes And every time I take her out I fight off other guys She doesn't like my low-brow friends, much less my mangy cur By now you're prob'ly wondering, what do I see in her? She's my flower of Shanghai And I don't mean to imply She's any less than number one When the day's hard work is done Puts on her robe, lets down her hair I sit back in my easy chair She's shows me exactly why She's my Flower of Shanghai
9.
Misery Loves Company I'm a loser, you're a user We're a team, it's true Misery loves company and that's why I love you I'm a dreamer, you're a screamer we go loop de loo Misery loves company and that's why I love you Heaven must be beaming with pride Couldn't be more lame if we tried dear I'm a pouter you're a doubter What else can we do? Misery loves company and that's why I love you We don't care if raindrops don't fall We don't mind the sunshine at all dear I need plasma you've got asthma I have asthma too Misery loves company and that's why I love you
10.
Don't Get Around Much Anymore Missed the Saturday dance Heard they crowded the floor Couldn't bear it without you Don't get around much anymore Thought I'd visit the club I got as far as the door They'll just ask me about you Don't get around much anymore Well darlin' I guess My mind's more at ease But never the less Why stir up memories? Been invited on dates I coulda gone but what for? Awfully different without you Don't get around much anymore
11.
I'm Gonna Get Me A Lawyer chorus: Well rooty toot toot rooty toot toot Here comes trouble in a three piece suit Well rooty toot toot better guard your loot I'm gonna get me a lawyer Standin in a bar on silly putty feet Bouncer went n threw me in the middle of the street I don't care cause i know what to do Gonna get me an x-ray n then i'll sue (chorus) Went to the park and i sat on my ass Cop come and said get off the grass I said hey blue boy have no fear I ain't touched that stuff in years (chorus) If you're in trouble if you can't win If you got gaters clean up to your chin Don't you worry just do what i do Get you a lawyer 'fore a lawyer gets you (chorus)
12.
Night Train Waltz I just dropped in for a quick one Or maybe for someplace to hide She sat alone in the corner A tattered valise by her side I offered to buy her the next round As smoke softly haloed her head She spoke to me in a pale twilight voice These are the words that she said chorus: Nighttime has swallowed this city Daylight has fled underground Darkness has conquered the last of my heart I guess I'll be leavin' this town (instrumental break) I drove her down to the station I waited while she paid her fare She asked for the next train leavin' I didn't inquire as to where She offered her hand and a chaste kiss I guess she'd said all she could say I stood inhaling the diesel perfume Watching the train roll away (chorus)
13.
Teddy Bears Picnic If you go down to the woods today You're sure of a big surprise If you go down to the woods today You'd better go in disguise Cause every bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain because Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic Every teddy bear that's been good Is sure of a treat today There's lots of wonderful things to eat And wonderful games to play Beneath the trees where nobody sees They'll hide and seek as long as they please Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic Picnic time for teddy bears The little teddy bears are having a wonderful time today Watch them catch them unawares And see them picnic on their holiday See them gaily gad about They love to play and shout they never have any cares At six o'clock their mommies and daddies Will take them home to bed Because they're tired little teddy bears If you go down to the woods today You better not go alone It's lovely down in the woods today But safer to stay at home For every bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain because Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic
14.
Serpentine 03:35
Serpentine She rippled slowly 'cross the floor Like a stone thrown in water She stirred a tide in me Like Leviathan's daughter She moved as smooth as I ever had seen She's so... Serpentine I saw the nature of her beast Like a cool viper gliding She's aching for the feast And her hunger's abiding I fell into her ophidian scene She's so... Serpentine I never knew I was losing control 'Til I felt her coils squeezing my soul (instrumental break) I had no clue of the wages of sin 'Til I felt her bite, piercing my skin She had the venom all along But I didn't suspect it She had the hollow fangs Waiting there to inject it I never dreamed, she would turn out so mean She's so... Serpentine
15.
16.
Don't Quit The Day Job Make a broad jump for your dreams Go for the best you can get Reach for that star It isn't so far But don't quit the day job yet Gus up n go crash the show Slap it all down on one bet You'll wear a grin When you cash in But don't quit the day job yet Everyone wants to be someone Ride in a long limousine Mostly they walk Because mostly that talk Mostly gets heard but not seen You can be one of the gang Up to your neck in regret Better get wise Open your eyes But don't you quit that day job yet When you advance to the front line Mostly by breaking your rear Then you can curse As your taxes get worse And all your good pals disappear There's no excuse for success Nobody lets you forget So when you've won Go have some fun But when you're done Grab it and run But don't you quit that day job yet

about

Snake Suspenderz is...
Thaddeus Spae: Vocals, trombone, guitar
Howlin' Hobbit: Vocals, ukulele
Andrew "Sketch" Hare: Drums, percussion
salamandir: Tuba

credits

released January 31, 2009

Produced by: Snake Suspenderz
Recorded at: Bard's Cathedral (bardscathedral.com)
Engineer: T. Spae
Cover design and manufacture: Dash Design & Disc (dashdesign.biz)

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