Serpentine

by Snake Suspenderz

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about

Snake Suspenderz is...
Thaddeus Spae: Vocals, trombone, guitar
Howlin' Hobbit: Vocals, ukulele
Andrew "Sketch" Hare: Drums, percussion
salamandir: Tuba

credits

released January 31, 2009

Produced by: Snake Suspenderz
Recorded at: Bard's Cathedral (bardscathedral.com) Engineer: T. Spae
Cover design and manufacture: Dash Design & Disc (dashdesign.biz)

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Track Name: Say Hello To Mr. Snake
Say Hello To Mr. Snake

He come oozin' down a dusky back street
Shows his fangs to everybody he meet
He got a pocket full of razor make the bad boys shake
Say hello to Mr. Snake

He does his business by the dark of the moon
Hits the dance floor makes the ladies all swoon
So if you got a score to settle or a heart to break
Say hello to Mr. Snake

He got a live-wire body and a tombstone mind
He got some habits of the low-down kind
He act real friendly if he's so inclined
But don't forget, he's wicked defined

He likes hangin' where the jazz is red hot
Sinks the eight ball for the last dime you got
He only likes to play the ponies for the highest stakes
Say hello to Mr. Snake

(Instrumental break)

He got the wildfire temper and the nerve like ice
You risk your life each time he rolls the dice
If he looks angry, man take my advice
Just run at once, don't think twice

He steals your woman keep her out until dawn
Calls a taxi when the thrill is all gone
Now she moans she's had the real thing and you're just a fake
Say hello to Mr. Snake
Track Name: FAIL!
Fail!

George flyin' through the jungle
On his vine just swingin' along
Grinnin' at the approaching tree
FAIL!
You're doin' it wrong

Phil texts to Sexy Susie
Says "cm on out n hr mi nu sng!"
Mommy drives him to play the gig
FAIL!
You're doin' it wrong

Guy drops his ID robbin' a bank
Cat fishin' in a piranha tank
Unsinkable Titanic? IT SANK!
Don't be a schnook
Don't leap 'til you look

Big rig is fourteen feet tall
Darn near eighty feet long
12 foot 9 says the clearance sign
FAIL!
You're doin' it wrong

(instrumental break)

You lock your car keys inside the trunk
Midwestern polka band playing punk
The brand new Windows Vista? IT STUNK!
Take my advice
Cut once measure twice

Car sails across the desert
Rocket packs burnin' real strong
Racin' to biff the ginormous cliff
FAIL!
You're doin' it wrong
FAIL!
You're doin' it wrong
Track Name: 20th Century Fads
Twentieth Century Fads

For many years society has offered up to you and me
So many things to buy or say or do
While stupid is the kindest thing to say for most of them
I've often fallen for them, haven't you?

spoken: Things like…

Ouija boards and go-go boots
Smiley faces, Betty Boop
Bobby socks and big zoot suits
Twentieth Century Fads

Superballs and saddle shoes
Granny glasses, Rubik's cubes
Putt-putt golf and beehive dos
Twentieth Century Fads

I've grown too fat for my Nehru shirt
And platform shoes just cause my calves to hurt
Still got my pet rock and an old mood ring
I wonder what fads the 21st will bring?

Bean bag chairs and fanny packs
Flagpole sitting, coonskin caps
Hula hoops and hacky sacks
Twentieth Century Fads

(instrumental break)

It's just plain nuts what some people do
The silly stuff they want to sell to you
But if it's funky, keen or really rad
Ain't risky to bet that it'll start a fad

Lava lamps and all them Smurfs
Phone booth stuffing, poodle skirts
Body paint and Astroturf
Twentieth Century Fads

Some that's foolish and some that hurts
Twentieth Century Fads
Track Name: Even Your Best Friends
Even Your Best Friends

Are you man enough to wear pink?
Are you really as smart as you think?
Are you positive you don't stink?
Even your best friends won't tell you

Does that lipstick really match your wig?
Do you jiggle when you do a jig?
Does that dress make your booty look big?
Even your best friends won't tell you

Friends don't presume to impose their own views
Friends never seek to offend or accuse
There's little to gain
From being a pain
But ever so much more to lose

Is there whispering behind your back?
Is your suave facade starting to crack?
Are the aliens about to attack?
Even your best friends won't tell you

Friends never rise to the bait of your fear
Friends are not bound to be candid or clear
Recall the admonition
Of the magician
To be nice or just disappear

Are you doomed to defeat and decay?
Is your life just a meaningless play?
Are you really going to die someday?
Even your best friends won't tell you
Track Name: Naughty Monkey
Naughty Monkey

If your monkey's acting badly, I'll tell you what I'm thinkin'
What your monkey really needs is a damn good spankin'
Just pull his little trousers down and toss him cross your knee
And spank that monkey's bum most satisfactorily

'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, The most recalcitrant by far
And all his mugshots are up in the police stations, From Alberta to the shores of Zanzibar

He gives old Uncle Bert a shiner. He starts food fights while in your favorite diner
He will steal a plane and fly to Asia Minor 'Cause he's such a naughty monkey

If your monkey comes to dinner, he'll break your favorite pie plate
Monkey keeps library books, well beyond their due date
Each time that monkey goes to town, he's hauled home by the cops
When monk makes you a drink you can expect knockout drops

'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, He's such a saucy simian
And all his antics are known in the best of circles, From the Zulu to the Argentinians

He'll peek down cousin Cora's sweater
His bathroom habits aren't getting better
If he runs away he won't leave you a letter
'Cause he's such a naughty monkey

(instrumental break)

(repeat verse 1)

'Cause he's a naughty monkey he's a naughty monkey, He just keeps getting more risque
And all his crimes have been shown on the top ten wanted, from Alhambra to farthest Zimbabwe
Track Name: Sausage
Sausage

I can't bite into a redhot
Out at the park in the shade
Ketchup and mustard don't help me
I know how sausage is made

I back away from salami
Fresh from the circular blade
No kielbasa or bloodwurst
I know how sausage is made

I've seen the grinder
I've seen the skin
I've seen the plunger
Stuffing the stuffing on in

You can keep your chorizo
Your baloney parade
I'll stick with my tea and crumpets
I know how sausage is made

I've seen the chimney
I've seen the plume
I've seen the butchers
Herding the herds to their doom

Don't bring a braunschweiger sandwich
If you want to get paid
Just keep the carrot sticks coming
I know how sausage is made
Track Name: Flower of Shanghai
Flower of Shanghai

She's my flower of Shanghai
I'm an ordinary guy
She likes steak and fancy drinks
I'm ok with beer and links
She looks chic from toes to tress
All my wardrobe is a mess
She tools 'round in vintage cars
I hang 'round in bars

She's my flower of Shanghai
And no matter how I try
Every party we attends
I piss off her high-toned friends
She buys at the finest shops
I work hard avoiding cops
She pays girls to do her nails
I spend my cash on bail

She sits in stately drawing rooms with diplomats and kings
Discussing art and poetry and all the finer things
I spend my time in smoky dives while shooting pool and dice
Consorting with a motley crew all well endowed with vice

She's my flower of Shanghai
And things always go awry
When she takes a bum like me
Out with her when she takes tea
She glides out to opera shows
I hang out with folks who bowls
All her books have leather spines
The comic books are mine

She stands there in an evening gown A vision to the eyes
And every time I take her out I fight off other guys
She doesn't like my low-brow friends, much less my mangy cur
By now you're prob'ly wondering, what do I see in her?

She's my flower of Shanghai
And I don't mean to imply
She's any less than number one
When the day's hard work is done
Puts on her robe, lets down her hair
I sit back in my easy chair
She's shows me exactly why
She's my Flower of Shanghai
Track Name: Misery Loves Company
Misery Loves Company

I'm a loser, you're a user
We're a team, it's true
Misery loves company
and that's why I love you

I'm a dreamer, you're a screamer
we go loop de loo
Misery loves company
and that's why I love you

Heaven must be beaming with pride
Couldn't be more lame if we tried dear

I'm a pouter you're a doubter
What else can we do?
Misery loves company
and that's why I love you

We don't care if raindrops don't fall
We don't mind the sunshine at all dear

I need plasma you've got asthma
I have asthma too
Misery loves company
and that's why I love you
Track Name: Don't Get Around Much Anymore
Don't Get Around Much Anymore

Missed the Saturday dance
Heard they crowded the floor
Couldn't bear it without you
Don't get around much anymore

Thought I'd visit the club
I got as far as the door
They'll just ask me about you
Don't get around much anymore

Well darlin' I guess
My mind's more at ease
But never the less
Why stir up memories?

Been invited on dates
I coulda gone but what for?
Awfully different without you
Don't get around much anymore
Track Name: I'm Gonna Get Me A Lawyer
I'm Gonna Get Me A Lawyer

chorus:
Well rooty toot toot rooty toot toot
Here comes trouble in a three piece suit
Well rooty toot toot better guard your loot
I'm gonna get me a lawyer

Standin in a bar on silly putty feet
Bouncer went n threw me in the middle of the street
I don't care cause i know what to do
Gonna get me an x-ray n then i'll sue

(chorus)

Went to the park and i sat on my ass
Cop come and said get off the grass
I said hey blue boy have no fear
I ain't touched that stuff in years

(chorus)

If you're in trouble if you can't win
If you got gaters clean up to your chin
Don't you worry just do what i do
Get you a lawyer 'fore a lawyer gets you

(chorus)
Track Name: Night Train Waltz
Night Train Waltz

I just dropped in for a quick one
Or maybe for someplace to hide
She sat alone in the corner
A tattered valise by her side

I offered to buy her the next round
As smoke softly haloed her head
She spoke to me in a pale twilight voice
These are the words that she said

chorus:
Nighttime has swallowed this city
Daylight has fled underground
Darkness has conquered the last of my heart
I guess I'll be leavin' this town

(instrumental break)

I drove her down to the station
I waited while she paid her fare
She asked for the next train leavin'
I didn't inquire as to where

She offered her hand and a chaste kiss
I guess she'd said all she could say
I stood inhaling the diesel perfume
Watching the train roll away

(chorus)
Track Name: Teddy Bear's Picnic
Teddy Bears Picnic

If you go down to the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today
You'd better go in disguise
Cause every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic

Every teddy bear that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic

Picnic time for teddy bears
The little teddy bears are having a wonderful time today
Watch them catch them unawares
And see them picnic on their holiday
See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout they never have any cares
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears

If you go down to the woods today
You better not go alone
It's lovely down in the woods today
But safer to stay at home
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic
Today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic
Track Name: Serpentine
Serpentine

She rippled slowly 'cross the floor
Like a stone thrown in water
She stirred a tide in me
Like Leviathan's daughter
She moved as smooth as I ever had seen
She's so... Serpentine

I saw the nature of her beast
Like a cool viper gliding
She's aching for the feast
And her hunger's abiding
I fell into her ophidian scene
She's so... Serpentine

I never knew I was losing control
'Til I felt her coils squeezing my soul

(instrumental break)

I had no clue of the wages of sin
'Til I felt her bite, piercing my skin

She had the venom all along
But I didn't suspect it
She had the hollow fangs
Waiting there to inject it
I never dreamed, she would turn out so mean
She's so... Serpentine
Track Name: Don't Quit The Day Job
Don't Quit The Day Job

Make a broad jump for your dreams
Go for the best you can get
Reach for that star
It isn't so far
But don't quit the day job yet

Gus up n go crash the show
Slap it all down on one bet
You'll wear a grin
When you cash in
But don't quit the day job yet

Everyone wants to be someone
Ride in a long limousine
Mostly they walk
Because mostly that talk
Mostly gets heard but not seen

You can be one of the gang
Up to your neck in regret
Better get wise
Open your eyes
But don't you quit that day job yet

When you advance to the front line
Mostly by breaking your rear
Then you can curse
As your taxes get worse
And all your good pals disappear

There's no excuse for success
Nobody lets you forget
So when you've won
Go have some fun
But when you're done
Grab it and run
But don't you quit that day job yet